Cellphone Whisperer Gifts

"If anyone wants me, I'll be right in front of your face while you're furiously texting."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

Jack of all trades

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'You said the computer was coming between us. So I put your name as my password.'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

Computer help.

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

"Can you spare a few megabytes of your precious time?"

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"I think we could work very well together."

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Cellular Plan

Where baby grand pianos come from.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

Office full of computers and wires.

Alternative Accountants

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye