Cellblock Comedian Pillows

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Dawing your Cellphone

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Just don't let the old man get you down.

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

Suggestion box which shreds forms placed in it.

"Yes, I'm alone."

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

"It is what it is."

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

I accepted an early retirement buy out and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

'What does L.B.W. mean?'

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."