Cell Mate Humor Pillows

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Dawing your Cellphone

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Yes, I'm alone."

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

Protoplasm

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"What was the name of that adoption agency?"

'Well it's obvious when we went through mitosis, the brain went to my side!'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

Ahab's Last Call.

Lost Dog

"I was caught by the VAT man."

Man trimming beard with cello bow.

'...and these are my two little angels you'll be baby-sitting for tonight...'

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

'Can I text it to you later?'

'Hey, rat, most of us use our one call to contact a lawyer, not Crime Stoppers.'

'I know you're there, Obama - pick up!'

"I have a flat stomach - what else is there?"

"Dude, you totally passed out."

"I always carry an empty cardboard box, just incase I have to take a private call."

I said TRY another location Noel, you KEEP breaking up! - A guy talking to another guy over the phone, and he is breaking up into pieces

The Cellular Bulletin Board: 'Bifurcate! Now that I've got your attention.'

"His brains were fried before he started to use a mobile phone!"

'Sorree can't chat - got no credit.'