Celestial Hypochondriac Pillows

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'I don't feel that bad.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

Type A Flu.

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Just answer one question, Doctor - is it contagious?"

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

"Well doctor, I've never had an illness in my life, so sometimes I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me."

'Please let me go home. . . I feel completely healthy.'

'Excuse me, haven't we met before?'