Celestial Hypochondriac T-Shirts

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

Stay away from Pigs.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'I don't feel that bad.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

Type A Flu.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'It's a new syndrome we're seeing more of... 'Google-itis'.'

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Just answer one question, Doctor - is it contagious?"

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

Aren't you a hypochondriac? What was that, loser? I feel warm. You're not going to trick me into thinking I have Ebola. 21 days ago, I may have ordered a pizza. The delivery boy had what might've been a Texas accent. A hospital in Texas was treating an Ebola patient. NOT FALLING FOR IT!! Everyone knows Ebola can only be transmitted through bodily fluids! The delivery boy was sweating. Sweat evaporates, right? Then it's in the air. Cough. Well-played, nemesis.

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

Lay Off the Blackberry!

'Excuse me, haven't we met before?'

I didn't want to come in, but I've spent thousands of hours online diagnosing my neck pain and it jut keeps getting worse.

"Well doctor, I've never had an illness in my life, so sometimes I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me."