Plant Hypochondriac T-Shirts

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

Stay away from Pigs.

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'I don't feel that bad.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

Type A Flu.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Hypochondriac's Handbook. Where was I?"

Survivors of Near-Flu Experiences

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

'Please let me go home. . . I feel completely healthy.'

"I've got your test results."

'Excuse me, haven't we met before?'

'Tell me about your hypochondria.'

"The good news is you DON'T have diphtheria, rotavirus, impetigo, endometriosis, hepatitis, osteoporosis, poliomyelitis, tetanus, tuberculosis or the zika virus."