Pet Hypochondriac Pillows

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypochondria Hospital

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

Stay away from Pigs.

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

'I don't feel that bad.'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

Type A Flu.

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

'It's that hypochondriac parrot!'