Pet Hypochondriac Pillows

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypochondria Hospital

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

Stay away from Pigs.

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

'I don't feel that bad.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

Type A Flu.

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"Are you going to the doctor?"

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"