Celestial Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

God to Plumber at Heaven's Gates: 'You were supposed to show up last Tuesday.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

Water is discovered on the moon....

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Halo Frisbee.

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Shoe repair

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Heaven

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"