Celery Skeptic Gifts

I'd like my money back. The celery smoothie didn't make me lose weight at all. I've been drinking three a day for two weeks, yet I've gained 17 pounds. Did you add any sugar or honey or anything to it? Don't try to change the subject. No refunds.

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"Oh, this? It can access every piece of knowledge from the history of mankind and I hate it."

"Tarzan no want computer."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

Diner is served