Celebrity Tourists Gifts

Man selling 'Maps to Stars for $5.00' next to lady selling 'Maps to People with 15 Minutes of Fame for 50 Cents'.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

The americanisation of vulture.

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Little Red Riding Carpet

David Grohl - Foo Fighters

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

Leo McKern

Harriet Walter

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

People leave joke shop with false moustache, nose and glasses marketed as 'the Robert Winston'.

Hollywood or bust!

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you?"

David Bowie

Viggo Mortensen

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Meryl Streep

Woody Allen

"This lovely song tells of a young, pretty actress, her ups and downs, and how she found happiness after rehab."

Charlotte Rampling