Celebrity Scoffer T-Shirts

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

Pig's Human Bank

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

'It was horrible! †I dreamed that Rosie and Donald Trump were fighting over me!'

"Found it when I was digging the garden...."

'And this is our strategic planning department...'

Pooper scoppers.

"Greetings earthling. Take us to your celebrities!"

'It's times like this when I ask myself, what would Oprah do?'

Artificial Ski-Slope: Closed due to snow.

'While my practice is limited to celebrities, I occasionally represent a 'nobody' to prove the system works for one and all.'

I'm told we were once married. Can you tell us what that was like?

"We've a phone tap on Paul Gascoigne. Quick! Get a translator!"

Santa with reindeer minders.

"It's a sequel to my tell-all book, a tell-more book."

Celebrity anagram: Male hen moons (Answer: Eamonn Holmes.)