Celebrity Scoffer Gifts

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

Pig's Human Bank

Goal!

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

Dennis Hopper

"How do you handle being a rock god?"

"Found it when I was digging the garden...."

Woody Harrelson

'You are tuned to the 24 hour Paris Hilton Channel.'

'It was horrible! †I dreamed that Rosie and Donald Trump were fighting over me!'

'And this is our strategic planning department...'

Pooper scoppers.

"Greetings earthling. Take us to your celebrities!"

"This is on me. I did say take us to your leader."

Artificial Ski-Slope: Closed due to snow.

'It's times like this when I ask myself, what would Oprah do?'

Elvis Costello

"Give me the Vin Diesel."

Ashley Judd

Steve Buscemi

"We've a phone tap on Paul Gascoigne. Quick! Get a translator!"

Keith Richards

Jodie Foster

Harry Hill

'While my practice is limited to celebrities, I occasionally represent a 'nobody' to prove the system works for one and all.'

"The Motor Vehicle Department had some concerns for my safety."

I'm told we were once married. Can you tell us what that was like?

Santa with reindeer minders.

Moving to earlier and earlier time slots, comedian Jay Leno would eventually host 'As the Jay Turns' at 8am.

Dakota Fanning

"It's a sequel to my tell-all book, a tell-more book."