Celebrity Guerilla Gifts

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Joe Henry

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"This lovely song tells of a young, pretty actress, her ups and downs, and how she found happiness after rehab."