Celebrity Gossiper Gifts

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

Anna Nicole's Baby.

"Not so much as a mention on Wikileaks."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

Young boy thinks he's spotted an old rocker.

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

JET (Part I)

Hollywood Breakup

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

“So let me get this straight: George Clooney isn’t your leader?”

John Stride

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

Larry King

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

Weditorials

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Emily Ratajkowski

"Come on now answer the question, I want something that can be taken out of context and make the show go viral on twitter."

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

To Get Pardoned by Trump, Become a Celeb

Whoopie Goldberg

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

'We know you are a serious actress..'