Academic Gossiper Gifts

' What Austrian bio-chemist is wasting his time with false anti-body leads?' Say - our journal has a gossip column!'

Eternal Student.

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

Scarcity

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

Max Weber

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Terri invited me over. We're going to play doctor of humane letters."

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"If you would like to get to know me I'm teaching a course on me next semester."

'Leave it to the school system to turn an enjoyable meal into an historical event.'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means.'

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'