Celebrity Culture Skeptic Pillows

The Following Program Contains Scenes Which Could Give Rise To Feelings Of Inadequacy. Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

Celebrity Autobiography...

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

Snow White and her Seven people.

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

Chihuahua's nightmare: 'There's a sneering voice talking to me: 'You'll get stuffed between a blonde celebrity's breasts till you can't breathe anymore!' Then I wake up bathed in sweat...'

The Pooperrazzi

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"Forty thousand dollars for a Taylor Swift ticket? Explain."

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

"The voices in my head want to sing on 'American Idol.'"

Celebrity Clerk: Schrodinger's Cat.

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

The Party of Lincoln

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."