Celebrity Critique Connoisseur Gifts

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Totalitarian Humour

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Barbed Pen

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"My bouche was not amused."

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Comment on food.