Celebrity Critique Connoisseur Gifts

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Totalitarian Humour

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"My bouche was not amused."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

Barbed Pen

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

How long have you let this unhealthy obsession with family and friends interfere with your celebrity-watching?

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Comment on food.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."