Celebrator Of Quirks Pillows

Yes, you're a dud. You come from a long line of duds. And I guarantee someday you'l be very happy you're a dud.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

"Happy new year!"

Jack and the Beanie stock.

'Doing this was easy. Finding someone nuts enough to buy the crap - THAT'S art!'

Forcing the Rabbit to Eat the Magicians Hat.

"I don't get it. Who doesn't love a circus?"

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

Chiantis In Translation

A cocktail in a tuba

"Would you like to see my one-woman show about the specials?"

"Thanks, you've been a great audience. I'm Jerry and I'm here all week."

Pollution Free Cocktail Cabinet

"I suppose it does him credit - he never was big on facing reality."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

"I'm worried that not everyone knows I'm a vegan!"

Ventriloquists dummy

"Have we got a show for you!"

"He married her for her stuff."

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

British summers on the beach.

"Why did we even buy a sofa if we never use it?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block...'

"Hope you've got on clean underwear."

Castaways at Christmas

'When the alarm clock went off this morning, he said 'I'll drink to that.''

No caption. (Two bird feeders are shown next to each other. One is set up like a bar).

'It's some carol mimers dear.'

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"