Lover Of Life’s Quirks Pillows

'What's your wallet and keys doing in the refrigerator?'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Jack and the Beanie stock.

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

'Doing this was easy. Finding someone nuts enough to buy the crap - THAT'S art!'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"I suppose it does him credit - he never was big on facing reality."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

"He married her for her stuff."

'Of course he's not all there.'

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"

'Live today like you're gonna die tomorrow Gus. But we're fruit flies so it's pretty much true.'

Drying your hands on trousers.

General Dentistry.

'I can cure you, but you'll have to file your own health insurance forms.'

Type 'G' for guru

'When are we going caving again?'

'Oscar! You just have to get closer to your spittoon!'

STOP! Do not attempt to move.

'Do you ever get the feeling there has to be more to life?'

'This must be your lucky day, madam. Not only am I a Jehovah's Witness - I'm also selling double glazing.'

'You hate me. I like that in a man.'