Celebrator Of Quirks Mugs

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

"Happy new year!"

Jack and the Beanie stock.

'Doing this was easy. Finding someone nuts enough to buy the crap - THAT'S art!'

Forcing the Rabbit to Eat the Magicians Hat.

"I don't get it. Who doesn't love a circus?"

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

Chiantis In Translation

A cocktail in a tuba

"Would you like to see my one-woman show about the specials?"

"Thanks, you've been a great audience. I'm Jerry and I'm here all week."

Pollution Free Cocktail Cabinet

"I suppose it does him credit - he never was big on facing reality."

"I'm worried that not everyone knows I'm a vegan!"

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

Ventriloquists dummy

"Have we got a show for you!"

"He married her for her stuff."

"Why did we even buy a sofa if we never use it?"

Castaways at Christmas

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block...'

British summers on the beach.

"Hope you've got on clean underwear."

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

'When the alarm clock went off this morning, he said 'I'll drink to that.''

'It's some carol mimers dear.'

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"