Cavity Comedian Gifts

"That explains all the cavities."

Interpretive Dental Hygiene

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Cat Reunion

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

Litter Tray Stonehenge

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

A gift to complete the man cave.

"I hate it..."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

Early House Hunting.

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'It replaces all your small rocks with one convenient large one.'

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"Then it's agreed. We'll sleep on it."

'I've invented copyright.'

Extra Absorbent Kitty Litter.

'...How can a cat get diabetes?'