Cautious Cuisine Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Yep - peanut-free, Ebola-free, gluten-free. That'll be $74."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I come here for the pepper."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Please don't kill me."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"Quick swig first?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

Slow food restaurant

"Don't tell him anything."

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'