Cat Magicians Pillows

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

Cat Reunion

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I hate it..."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

'Isn't he sweet - he got down all by himself!'

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

"Then it's agreed. We'll sleep on it."

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

Extra Absorbent Kitty Litter.

'...How can a cat get diabetes?'

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."