Cat-loving Grandmother Gifts

A Late Entry for "Poor Richard's Almanac"

Cats on Board.

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"Relax, it's cat fishing lure. I'm hoping to catch a dogfish."

Why cat yoga classes don't work

Evolution of the Cat.

'Who are you and what do you want?'

'I wouldn't have brought the cat if I'd know he had to be naked too.'

"And you wonder why they call me a bitch?"

"He's very finicky."

Zen Kitten

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

"The meaning of life is cats."

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

'She's killing me with kindness!'

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?

'138 Days without an accident!'

101 uses of a dead cat: chopping board.

New chess piece: Cat - It can go wherever it wants, or not go anywhere at all.

''No' means, 'Don't do that while I'm in the room.''

"Have I got a cat for you!"

A cat composer

'The good news is that you don't have apnea. The bad news is that Fluffy sleeps on your face.'

"I have a large kitty. He's gentle, just don't make any sudden moves."