Cat Lady In Training Gifts

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"It slowly dawned on Edwin who exactly had stolen his steroids."

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

"Don't you worry about me. I always land on my feet."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.

'I'll have the steak and she'll have the tuna.'

"Love means I narrowly chose you over a bunch of cats."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

Who Let the Dawg In?

Word on the street is that he's self-domesticated.

"I vow to never again bat around someone else's fuzzy mouse."

"Geez, Gary. How long you been workin' in that garden?"

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

My Bowl Is Empty.

'I know what you're thinking.'

"Owning a pet is a big responsibility, not to mention never wearing dark clothing again."

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.