Cat Lady In Denial Gifts

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

"I loved the bit where you hid under the seat."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'I'll have the steak and she'll have the tuna.'

"Love means I narrowly chose you over a bunch of cats."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

My Bowl Is Empty.

'I want to talk about your efforts to increase sales, Robert.'

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

'I wouldn't have brought the cat if I'd know he had to be naked too.'

Cat Wake-up

'Im going to invest all your pension money in cat nip!'

Pandora's other box

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

'I don't care how cold it is outside. You're not wearing the cat!'

'I don't know - with all these feathers you'd think there'd be a bird in here somewhere.'

'When I snap you'll be the first to go.'

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

Cat Lady

'Yeah, I think we might need to call a plumber. It's overflowing again.'

"Cat got your tongue, vicar?"

Sorry Dear, until they put mice into tins you'll have to make do with chicken.

First Cats to be Domesticated

"But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, and so the poor dog had none."

"Wilma Kooney strangled on cat hair."