Casual Conductor Gifts

A trevor of trainspotters

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Just a little heads up!

Snail crossing

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

People forget, on the 8th and 9th days I created the long weekend.

Colin V Longshore Drift

"I'm not gonna take my grievances to the street anymore, but I sure will take them to Facebook!"

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

"Don't worry. She usually breaks her fitness resolution within the month."

Caddy With A Cool Box

Use it or lose it.

"I will now play a familiar seasonal piece."

That Socrates was an idiot. Not only is the unexamined life worth living, but there's more time to enjoy it without all that stupid introspection.

Obama Snack...

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

'Watching the football.'

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."