Castle Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

'You idiot! That one had chips in it.'

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'

A Chess Castle.

'...and why do they call this a 'battlement'?'

European Elections

"Why don't you want me to lay siege to this one? It's got two and a half baths and an eat-in kitchen."

Trivia Knight

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Early model of baggage claim"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'I think they're up to something.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

'The knights are drawing closer'

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."