Catapult Connoisseur T-Shirts

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"If they want a snowball fight, then I'll give them one."

Theatre Crowd

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

Crazy old clown cat lady.

About the potter.

Clown's In and Out Trays.

"You know damn well what noise!"

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

25¢ Ride the Pony

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

Clown Watercooler

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

Bagging the Chipmunk

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

"You're new on catapults aren't you Murphy?"

'Of course it's lite. I wouldn't make it if it wasn't lite.'

"What am I, chopped liver?"

'Joe makes all our own funiture!'

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

"Keep back... I'm going to try reviving him with my hand buzzer!"

'What a gorgeous mug. Did you make that by hand... or by foot?'