Cartoon Comedy Fan Gifts

'See? If Mommy had been wearing her seatbelt that wouldn't have happened.'

Surfer and the Whale

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

'I'll have you out of bed and on your foot in no time.'

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

'I'm being tested for sleep apnoea this winter: Better go, see you in spring...'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'This 'language' invention is okay, but sticks and stones are a lot more effective.'

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"I just got done telling him when one door closes another opens."

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

'Bottle nose! Bottle nose!'

'He said he was going for a quick dip in the tar pits before dinner and that was the last time I saw him officer.'

Cat at Surprise Party.

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

'Be honest - do I have someone stuck in my teeth?'

Why moths should not drive at night.

'I think I've lost the will to die.'

Dog begging with sign that reads 'Boneless and hungry'.

"How's everything?"

Bait for Snorkellers

Trap set by bear to catch hunter.

"I'm sick of the same old thing. How about frosting and sprinkles?"

Bull markets don't go up forever.

Cow Striptease.

Well, I didn't know it was a nude beach.

Least ironic mustache

Beer Burgers Pizza. Field Level Seats. The stadium is limited to twenty percent of capacity. But somehow there's still a long line here.

You're fine, but I'd like to keep you overnight – mostly because I can't remember where I put your clothes.

"Burger King bought a Canadian donut chain and relocated its headquarters to Canada to skip U.S. taxes."

He says he invented upright walking to free his hands, but I'm pretty sure it was to hide his bald spot!

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."