Carnival Foodie Gifts

'I'm trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. I'd like the butter on a stick, unfried.'

"It's not unhealthy, the stick happens to be very high in fiber."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Mardi Gras

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

What the Doctor Ordered

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

La Table

Fast food. Even faster food

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Night of the Latkes

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Rump roast?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

'He made an excellent jelly.'