Vacation Foodie Gifts

"Coming to the beach is a great way to stay in shape."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do count against your diet.

'I sent out for everything.'

Come dine with me!

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

What the Doctor Ordered

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

6 Brothers Falafel

La Table

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"You owe me five bucks."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.