Carefree Shopper Pillows

"Shopping was stress-free this year because I started early and didn't give a s**t what I bought."

'She's so put together!'

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

'What can you get with a quarter?'

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

The Bargain Brand

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

How much would you take off for cash?

'Could you tell me where the organic locally-grown vine-ripened union-picked kiwis are?'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

Mexican Dog

Guilty Pleasures

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

Buying roses - 'You got any with no stem?'

How do you like the new suit?

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"Tia Carmen! We're at Plaza Mall...not Flaco's Flea Market!"

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'