Carefree Driver Gifts

'Hi, I think I'm doing OK this time.'

No, I'm' pretty sure the bullet holes were there when I picked it up. Car rental.

Don't hassle me, I'm retired.

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Think of it as a big puddle."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Cats on Board.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

I took a vacation to forget everything and I forgot my luggage.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'It's baseball season!'

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

Running

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"The next time you have an 'emergency', have it on the roof like every other self-respecting bird!"

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

"You and your lists! You're missing out on life."

'Dude, I got the rest of the day off, so I'll be able to go riding after all!'

"This is where I come to unwind."

'No luggage.'

Speed limit 70mph and up.

Mexican Dog

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

Weathervanes.

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

Peak Oil - 'Are we there yet, Dad?'

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

'All right, who broketh the window!'