Career Negotiation Pillows

'Think about it, we have leverage: If he doesn't want to give us a raise, we can threaten to reveal his tricks...'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"Is this about your raise?"

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

'You may have three mergers.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

Book Deal

"To avoid trouble, I've brought in a troubleshooter."

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

'The position sounds interesting, but my last job paid more coconuts.'

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

"I'm sorry, but you're under-overqualified and over-underqualified."

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

'You're asking for money? Now you're really pushing it.'

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

Thank You for Not Bringing Up My Salary