Job Negotiation Aficionado Pillows

We can't top your previous salary, but we can give you a more prestigious email address.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'My final offer.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

'Thanks for coming. Now, let's see if we can bring this negotiation to closure.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"He's right, but he didn't have to rub our faces in it."