Career Day Gifts

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

"A graphic designer? Really? What about all those discussions we had about engineering?"

'I already have the helmet, so I'm thinking of enlisting in the Army.'

'Do you want to learn how to be a stand-up or are you kids just going to heckle me?'

"Tomorrow is career day at school. Can you make it?"

'We're looking for athletic people.'

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

'I don't know what happened! All I did was say I went into medicine for the money!'

"The school psychologist says that I'm totally stupid and free of any talent. Great, that's the best qualification to become a superstar!"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

International Women's Day.

Reach for the Star.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Pipe Dream.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!