Career Clown Gifts

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Actually, we're looking for someone who's willing to start at the bottom and stay there.'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"It's an entry-level position, but I was assured it would just be for a few years."

Unskilled Meets Clueless

Working on my resume.

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'I started as just another 'yes man', but eventually my talents were recognized and I became a full fledged sycophant.'

How are you at decision making?

'You're arrogant, pig-headed and have no communication skills -have you thought of a career in intelligence?'

'Demanding money with menaces, isn't really a career, Atkinson!!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Job Application for Human Cannonball - I'm afraid you're over qualified.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Yearbook

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

Shake it all about sign on desk

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

Brainstorm in progress.