Career Builder Gifts

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"If you want a career in nursing it's probably a good idea not to post pictures of yourself as drunk orangutan on social media. . ."

37 years in the same position.

When applying for a part-time job in retail, try not to state the obvious.

'Well I am only human' (HUMAN RESOURCES)

Tweaking the CV.

MItch asked himself over and over, what did Mr Hogson imply by saying shape up or ship out.

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"Those gaps are when I dropped out of the system and into the prison system."

"There appears to be some discrepancies between your C.V. and your Wikipedia entry."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

Supermom.

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'