Career Advice Collector Pillows

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"The boss is not very bright." "True, but if he was smart you wouldn't have a job."

'Kids, if I'd gotten into computers, instead of baseball, I'd have a job now!'

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"

"Have you given any thought at all about where you might like to accrue your student loan debt?"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

Career counselor: 'If you want a great job, that won't be exported, get into politics.'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'