Career Academic Gifts

"You've spent the last 20 years in college. what made you stop hiding from the real world?"

"This is all going into my thesis."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Flags

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Pretty Flowers

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Eternal Student.

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"Is it that bad?"