Care Leaving Gifts

"The time when kids left care with a black plastic bag stuffed with their few belongings are long gone..."

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"I had to skip my workout."

"Did you remember my mints?"

Fish evolving: 'Write, if you establish a niche.'

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

I think it's time he left home.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Social Worker

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

Policeman talking to lost child

"He thinks it's the weather channel."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"When we have COVID under control you'll be rewarded for saving us, we won't forget how much we owe you."

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

Card: Get Human Soon!

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

"Great Perfume!"

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"We're leaving you two!"

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."