Cardinal Counter Gifts

Conclave.

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

The ten ammendments

'C'mon Ben, there's no need to count them out!'

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

Excommunicate Me.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

The Finger.

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

Entry level astronomer...

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

'Thou shalt not covet a parking space.'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

'As you suspected, Your Grace, these heretics refuse to embrace the principles of equality and diversity.'

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

'They are calling for a demonstration on climate change.'

'A boat in every garage, a limit of fish in every creel!'

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

'I'm not sure that a more ethnically aware Pope is the right way to go.'

"When I can't sleep I don't count sheep I count my blessings."

'When I started this journey I was a curate.'

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

Pope fed by nasal tub.

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'

When animal cloners suffer from insomnia.

Carbon suicide