Cardinal Counter Pillows

Conclave.

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

The ten ammendments

'C'mon Ben, there's no need to count them out!'

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

Fiji. London. Africa. Travel co. They say you can't take it with you --- but you can't go anywhere without it either.

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

Excommunicate Me.

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

Books. Harry Potter and the Huge Pile of Royalties.

'Thou shalt not covet a parking space.'

The Finger.

Entry level astronomer...

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

'As you suspected, Your Grace, these heretics refuse to embrace the principles of equality and diversity.'

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

'They are calling for a demonstration on climate change.'

Faithbook

'I'm not sure that a more ethnically aware Pope is the right way to go.'

'A boat in every garage, a limit of fish in every creel!'

"When I can't sleep I don't count sheep I count my blessings."

Graduation. It's the start of graduation season. Many students today have double majors. He studied law and literature because he liked the idea of "poetic justice." She earned degrees in structural engineering and international relations --- She'll literally and figuratively build bridges! With Botany and Psychology degrees, he'll be a therapist turning over a new leaf. And here comes a young woman who studied math and theology. She's a grateful person who always counts her blessings!

'When I started this journey I was a curate.'

Carbon suicide

Pope fed by nasal tub.

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'

When animal cloners suffer from insomnia.