Cardiac Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

"Is the garbage fresh?"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

I heart bypass t-shirt.

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'He'll need some blood thinner immediately, but go grab me a sandwich first.'

"It's for his shakes."

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"That's the hospital policy. Cashiers must be familiar with emergency shock treatment."

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'He stated jogging to work.'

Service and Emotional Support Animals...

"There's a man at the door with a wooden leg."

"The procedure begins with a local anesthetic to your wallet."

'You'll need to see a chiropractor. You've dislocated your brain.'

"A bit nervous.. It is your first euthanasia I presume."

'... And you say you first noticed them just after you had a 'near death experience'?'

"If she sings it's over."

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'