Card Wizard Gifts

Royal Flush

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Piano Recital

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

"It's a play on words."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.