Carb Craver Gifts

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'I need affordable daycare now!'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Complex Carbs

Complex Carbohydrates

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

'It's very important to have balanced diet.'

'Please help - can't afford sweets - spent pocket money on mobile phone credit.'

Crusty Bread

"I have a really bad habit of beating myself up...and my addition to sweets is not helping matters."

'He's sulking because I caught him licking the cake shop window.'

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."

'Don't you dare!'

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

'Yo yo brother, I gotta bounce.'

Bad Carbs

11pm chiller cabinet of last resort.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Twitching coffee shop.

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"