Car Shopping Critic T-Shirts

'Of course, you're probably concerned with mileage and the high gas prices. . .'

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

The less popular 'Even Smarter Car'.

'I love to see you all so busy!'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

"You have 24/7 roadside assistance to compensate for your new car's immediate depreciation."

'If it starts, notice the roar of power.'

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

All you'd expect in a British car!

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

"I found a really good parking place, dear, so I'm going to spend the weekend downtown shopping. . ."

"I won't go near one of those driver-less things until they iron out the bugs."

The Bob Dole Home-Shopping Network

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"

'I was looking for something more passive-aggressive.'

"This one's perfect if you're going green, but still don't know how turn signals work."

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

Car dealer's sign: If you kick the tires, you've bought it!

"This model comes in all wheel drive and the popular sex drive!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Actually, I forgot to subtract the disinterest."

"Actually, the 24/7 Roadside Assistance kinda makes up for the 24/7 vehicle depreciation."

'Now that we've lulled you with our no-haggle sales policy, our finance manager will apply heavy arm twisting for dealer add-ons.'

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

"We breed them for aggressiveness."

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

'We'd like to take it for a test drive.'

'And this one has a digital readout to tell you 'how-much' the car is depreciating!'

"I like everything about the car except it's expression."

"She only comes in to try out the heated seats."

'It goes with your eyes.'

"Engineers have actually found a way to fuel this car with the dignity you lose as you're driving it."

The development of cars.

Insensitive driving school - 'That was crap.'

Huge traffic jam:Sign reads 'Debate on road pricing, next exit'.