Car Shopping Critic Prints

'Of course, you're probably concerned with mileage and the high gas prices. . .'

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

'I love to see you all so busy!'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

"You have 24/7 roadside assistance to compensate for your new car's immediate depreciation."

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

'If it starts, notice the roar of power.'

All you'd expect in a British car!

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

The Bob Dole Home-Shopping Network

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

"I won't go near one of those driver-less things until they iron out the bugs."

"I found a really good parking place, dear, so I'm going to spend the weekend downtown shopping. . ."

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"

"This one's perfect if you're going green, but still don't know how turn signals work."

'I was looking for something more passive-aggressive.'

Car dealer's sign: If you kick the tires, you've bought it!

"Actually, I forgot to subtract the disinterest."

"Actually, the 24/7 Roadside Assistance kinda makes up for the 24/7 vehicle depreciation."

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

'Now that we've lulled you with our no-haggle sales policy, our finance manager will apply heavy arm twisting for dealer add-ons.'

"This model comes in all wheel drive and the popular sex drive!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"We breed them for aggressiveness."

'And this one has a digital readout to tell you 'how-much' the car is depreciating!'

'We'd like to take it for a test drive.'

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"I like everything about the car except it's expression."

'It goes with your eyes.'

The development of cars.

"She only comes in to try out the heated seats."

Insensitive driving school - 'That was crap.'

Huge traffic jam:Sign reads 'Debate on road pricing, next exit'.

"Dad's helping me buy a car. They're giving us a deal just to get rid of us."