Car Shopping Gifts

"We breed them for aggressiveness."

'And this one has a digital readout to tell you 'how-much' the car is depreciating!'

Car dealer's sign: If you kick the tires, you've bought it!

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"She only comes in to try out the heated seats."

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"

"So, what are you folks looking for in a new car?"

Actually, it's not the legroom I'm worried about.

'It'll do one hundred twenty five on the freeway and ninety five in your driveway.'

'It goes with your eyes.'

He says he'd like his change in Skodas...'

'I was looking for something more passive-aggressive.'

'If it starts, notice the roar of power.'

"I'm expecting a big win on the horses."

"OK...it's time...to go buy a new car."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Men's Suits. I hear being suave and sophisticated is coming back in style. That's just an urbane legend.

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

Handbag store - "Perfect."